Help.
Just help.
I am in a long term relationship with a lovely man, but it's becoming more and more evident that as he grows up, he is leaving me behind. I'm not immature but I'm not a law graduate going to law school, commuting every day, having to work a shift at the golf club each week, and needing to do law school work/see friends/have some down time and have to squeeze in a girlfriend. I understand that he needs to make something of himself and create a career but I just fear that his "we can make it" is taking advantage of three years of solidarity based on constant communication (communication which has now disappeared.) I don't know what to do or say: I can't say anything.
"I want more" will only just come with the "this is the most I can give"
"We need to talk more" will come with the response of "we already talk lots, this is the most I can do"
"I need to see you more" will result in "I can't give anymore time.
And I believe him.
So what do I do? What can I say?
Help.
Just help.
Sunday, 29 September 2013
Friday, 11 January 2013
Weddings!
So as I sit here listening to a bit of Van Morrison, increasingly bored because everyone around me seems to have things to do whereas I just appear to be festering, I look up wedding cake/centerpieces/favours.
Yes. I am going to be a bridesmaid.
This is something that I am really looking forward to and something I feel I can be a part of! The bride-to-be always wants to know my opinion which feels good! :) However, looking up weddings gets you thinking...who will I end up with? Will I run off into the sunset with my current man or will things change? Will I get married or will I end up an eternal spinster? These are the questions that have had me rattled recently and I think I have an answer to them...why should I care NOW? I'm not on a biological clock, I'm not desperate for a wedding any time within the next ten years, so yes...I have resolved not to care about those questions anymore...feels liberating!! I think that every time I get worried about certain things, I more often than not need to pull myself up on them and think, why are they worrying me now? As a natural worrier, the answer is usually "because you are you" but I think as a new year's resolution (to add to a list of a thousand that I will inevitably break) is that I am going to worry less and live for the moment, to enjoy life to the full...good plan!
Yes. I am going to be a bridesmaid.
This is something that I am really looking forward to and something I feel I can be a part of! The bride-to-be always wants to know my opinion which feels good! :) However, looking up weddings gets you thinking...who will I end up with? Will I run off into the sunset with my current man or will things change? Will I get married or will I end up an eternal spinster? These are the questions that have had me rattled recently and I think I have an answer to them...why should I care NOW? I'm not on a biological clock, I'm not desperate for a wedding any time within the next ten years, so yes...I have resolved not to care about those questions anymore...feels liberating!! I think that every time I get worried about certain things, I more often than not need to pull myself up on them and think, why are they worrying me now? As a natural worrier, the answer is usually "because you are you" but I think as a new year's resolution (to add to a list of a thousand that I will inevitably break) is that I am going to worry less and live for the moment, to enjoy life to the full...good plan!
Wednesday, 21 November 2012
Validation
Again, I find myself sitting down and talking to my onion friend but now I am thinking..."what gives us validation?"
My friend sits there (again with the lovely legs) and talks about how she has decided that she doesn't need men in her life to give her validation...fair enough, I can understand that. As a girl whose gone from being boring, to "the fat one", to completely desperate to be noticed, to a happy girl, I can understand the need to feel validated by yourself. However, I have had the occasions where I look at my work (something I have always been so confident in) and the grade I've been given is, quite frankly, awful! What then, if I don't have my body and I obviously don't have the intelligence, what is giving me validation? When I feel like that, I pick up my phone and call my friends or my boyfriend. It feels great when they tell me I'm fun, bubbly, give them confidence...and there it comes. When we feel bad and upset, what gives us validation? Friends, boyfriends, family!
But again, there are only so many phrases your friends can use:
"You're gorgeous!"
"You always make me laugh"
"Your the centre of the party"
But what happens when the girl whose in the centre of the party is screaming inside...someone notice ME!!! For Me!! I'm not funny, don't look at my face...look at ME!!!
That's when I find that my boyfriend helps and your true friends help.
This girl looking at me, teary and emotional talking about validation has already got it from her friends but from what I see...she might just want a little more...and what's wrong with that?
My friend sits there (again with the lovely legs) and talks about how she has decided that she doesn't need men in her life to give her validation...fair enough, I can understand that. As a girl whose gone from being boring, to "the fat one", to completely desperate to be noticed, to a happy girl, I can understand the need to feel validated by yourself. However, I have had the occasions where I look at my work (something I have always been so confident in) and the grade I've been given is, quite frankly, awful! What then, if I don't have my body and I obviously don't have the intelligence, what is giving me validation? When I feel like that, I pick up my phone and call my friends or my boyfriend. It feels great when they tell me I'm fun, bubbly, give them confidence...and there it comes. When we feel bad and upset, what gives us validation? Friends, boyfriends, family!
But again, there are only so many phrases your friends can use:
"You're gorgeous!"
"You always make me laugh"
"Your the centre of the party"
But what happens when the girl whose in the centre of the party is screaming inside...someone notice ME!!! For Me!! I'm not funny, don't look at my face...look at ME!!!
That's when I find that my boyfriend helps and your true friends help.
This girl looking at me, teary and emotional talking about validation has already got it from her friends but from what I see...she might just want a little more...and what's wrong with that?
The talking legs
I sat down last night with a friend. Now, I will give this friend a short introduction: she is everything you would want to be if you were a woman. She is gorgeous (her legs in comparison to mine may have well have grown on a model), very intelligent, funny, and she loves things that many men love such as gaming and football. She literally has it all...or so I thought.
We live in a university house, and by we I mean three girls. Two of us have boyfriends, and you have probably guessed by now that the girl that this blog is about doesn't. The weekend just gone, both boyfriends of the girls who have them came down to visit them. It was a wonderful weekend for us however, I feel like we lost something somewhere along the weekend.
On Sunday night, after my boyfriend had gone, this girl (and her lovely legs) sat on my bed, and summoning up all her courage, actually admitted to herself (and me) that "it would be nice to have someone." The thing that bothered me the most was the fact that she didn't seem to want to admit it, why not? Why do intelligent and independent women feel the need to want to be alone all the time? Just because you are independent has suddenly turned into an instant sentence to be alone...but why?
Last night I sat in my room and this girl walked in. She sat on my bed and finally cracked. Talking about men and boys as most women do, she told me that she was always the one who was ignored in her group of friends and I understood. She said that she had once been bigger than she was and (very attractively) started telling me how she used to be able to fit a coin through the gap between her two front teeth. Those ghosts seemed to be still bothering her and she still hasn't come to terms with the fact her hair has grown out, her legs are longer, her face is clear and that she isn't a larger girl anymore. It just seemed funny to me, that like Gok Wan used to say to women, you don't see yourself for what you really are. I felt like shaking her as I told her she was gorgeous...but then she said something that struck a nerve: "It would be lovely to hear it for once. I have never been given a compliment." Inside I started screaming!!!! What?!?!?!? Why not?!?!
I see girls wandering around pandering after boys, forcing compliments and eventually through the power of sex, getting what they want. Why has it come to pass that independent women do not receive any compliments? Is it because men are too afraid to give them compliments? Is it because people don't think that independent women don't need compliments? I am not saying by any stretch of the imagination that a woman needs a man to validate her, but I am just saying that it might be nice for her and all the independent women to receive a compliment today. So if you know one, please do...
Odds are tonight they may be in tears on their friends bed, convincing themselves that they are doomed to be alone forever, because no one notices them, or appreciates them...
We live in a university house, and by we I mean three girls. Two of us have boyfriends, and you have probably guessed by now that the girl that this blog is about doesn't. The weekend just gone, both boyfriends of the girls who have them came down to visit them. It was a wonderful weekend for us however, I feel like we lost something somewhere along the weekend.
On Sunday night, after my boyfriend had gone, this girl (and her lovely legs) sat on my bed, and summoning up all her courage, actually admitted to herself (and me) that "it would be nice to have someone." The thing that bothered me the most was the fact that she didn't seem to want to admit it, why not? Why do intelligent and independent women feel the need to want to be alone all the time? Just because you are independent has suddenly turned into an instant sentence to be alone...but why?
Last night I sat in my room and this girl walked in. She sat on my bed and finally cracked. Talking about men and boys as most women do, she told me that she was always the one who was ignored in her group of friends and I understood. She said that she had once been bigger than she was and (very attractively) started telling me how she used to be able to fit a coin through the gap between her two front teeth. Those ghosts seemed to be still bothering her and she still hasn't come to terms with the fact her hair has grown out, her legs are longer, her face is clear and that she isn't a larger girl anymore. It just seemed funny to me, that like Gok Wan used to say to women, you don't see yourself for what you really are. I felt like shaking her as I told her she was gorgeous...but then she said something that struck a nerve: "It would be lovely to hear it for once. I have never been given a compliment." Inside I started screaming!!!! What?!?!?!? Why not?!?!
I see girls wandering around pandering after boys, forcing compliments and eventually through the power of sex, getting what they want. Why has it come to pass that independent women do not receive any compliments? Is it because men are too afraid to give them compliments? Is it because people don't think that independent women don't need compliments? I am not saying by any stretch of the imagination that a woman needs a man to validate her, but I am just saying that it might be nice for her and all the independent women to receive a compliment today. So if you know one, please do...
Odds are tonight they may be in tears on their friends bed, convincing themselves that they are doomed to be alone forever, because no one notices them, or appreciates them...
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